Today I finally could read Toda Sensei’s guidance on marriage from Under the Wings chapter of The Human Revolution.
It sheds light on where I am yet to strengthen myself and my faith in my love life and relationships. Some of the quotes from volume 7 and my notes below:
“In other words, you must marry a man to whom you will not regret devoting genuine love.” (Pg 895)
I tend to not find such a man and the first sign of trouble makes me regretful. I don’t necessarily have the emotional strength to back up my decision to love someone.
“A woman places love above everything else, but a man is different. He usually values fame, position and career more highly than love. He is always aware that he must feed his family, and he finds the meaning of his life in that awareness. He rarely sacrifices his honor even for the one he loves most. This is the fundamental difference between the sexes.” (Pg 895)
I have learned this intellectually, I still haven’t quite understood how to cope with it emotionally. If my sense of emotional security comes from a man’s behaviour and his behaviour is toward his career, I am clearly fighting a losing battle, as I have been losing.
“The difference between a man and a woman goes beyond gain or loss. It’s an intrinsic difference about which you can do nothing. I know because I am a man. If you think women always lose, determine not to lose yourself.”
This has been my failing over and over. I lose myself. My practice didn’t exist and now hasn’t been strong enough to support my tree of life.
“Become a woman who loves her husband to the end and, at the same time, helps him maintain his honor and position. Love alone, however, will not enable you to do both. ”
“In the final analysis, you must work hard based on faith”
And I almost started doing this too late in case of Mike, and didn’t have the practice before. I can now determine from this moment on.
“Only by embracing the Gohonzon throughout your life, you can accomplish both your goals. This is the factor which determines happiness or unhappiness for a woman in married life.”
On that note, I am off to do my chanting and Gongyo for tonight. Try to make bigger dents in my first million.