This morning while chanting I was again reminded of my cowardice and that my life is my hands and I gotta make it happen.
In my cowardice, I was hiding behind my inability to confront what I needed to do in the situation and take action. Instead of aiming to schedule the interview for my dream job, I was already planning for my failure and plan B and planning to spend time doing assignments and interviews for jobs I did not find interesting.
I realised I gotta put them off and give my all to this dream job interview. Here. And. Now.
After much deliberation and turning things around in my brain I now have an idea of when I want to schedule it. I started to rehash it. In this process as I was reading the New Human Revolution volume 6, I came across this quote from Sensei:
A leader has no time for speculation; she must be firmly resolved to win over all obstacles and negative forces without the slightest shadow of doubt.
-Daisaku Ikeda NHR vol 6 p210
Question is, am I going to be the leader of my own life or not?
I firmly resolve to be so.
As I was challenging myself towards 3 July, mentor-disciple day in my Nichiren Buddhist practice, things went to hell at work.
The team lead of one of my projects made a remark in a public chat forum on my presentation that I didn’t know what I was talking about and I hadn’t been around in the project in the last six months.
I fought my tendency to react and give him a piece of my mind. Obviously, this also happened just a couple of hours before another big meeting for me. When I confronted him in person with another colleague sitting in as a witness next week, he made further personal attacks e.g. “You play your role in this project only when someone is looking.”, “What have you done in the last 6 months?”, “When you speak up in a meeting, I feel afraid of what you might say.”
Fast forward to this week, many difficult conversations with my manager and HR later, I am no longer supposed to work with this person. Initially, they talked to him and still wanted me to work with him. It took me a while to realise that the situation was not adequately addressed for me. The guy had said later that he had asked me to be removed from the project. I had said I don’t want to work in a project where I am not valued and respected. The management still wanted me to be there anyway. It took all my courage to keep standing up for dignity. Each time I thought they got it but then they didn’t.
Continue reading “Dignity at Work”