Yesterday, I shared some of my sensitive life experience in public, including my history of long term childhood abuse. Afterwards, I shared the video or text of my experience with a few friends in faith in other cities. They read or watched the experience and were very inspired.
They asked me if it was ok for them to share the experience with others. I said no. When I was chanting this morning, I realised that I had put limitations on myself again. For my mind, sharing the experience in a big meeting was meaningful and enough. Outside that perceived safe space, my mind told me I didn’t need to open myself up. I realised I was again acting upon my fear and deep-rooted shame.
After morning prayers, I reached out to the friends and gave them permission to share my experience with others. I spent the rest of the day largely sharing my experience with members and friends all around. A lot of people came back with encouraging comments of how they were inspired by my courage.
Perhaps I’m leaving some of my self-imprisonment. I’d been feeling really heavy and tired since last night. Since this evening, I’ve started to feel a bit better.
Although still having a late night, I really enjoyed my Pole class today and had some success with meal planning this afternoon i.e. being able to pick a restaurant and something to eat, that’s better than this time last week.
I’ve got to somehow keep striving to recognise and deflate my fears. Persevere, no matter what.
This is the only way I can change my destiny.