Handing out relationship advice

One would think that given I’m by myself and have been for the better part of the last decade, I won’t have much to offer in terms of relationship advice. I guess I don’t.

Today I had a friend reach out to me to help work through relationship struggles. I was skeptical about offering a guy relationship advice, because evidently I haven’t found a suitable one yet.

However, last year’s failed relationship with Mike has been quite a learning experience. I wish I had been chanting regularly then. I wish I’d been more open, loving, and given him more freedom. It still may not have worked but I wouldn’t have regrets. I do know with my prayer that what happened was for the best and I can see it in my life.

Ultimately, it is about creating supreme happiness in my life that isn’t driven by external circumstances. Inline with that perhaps one day I won’t care about how happy chocolate brownies make me. 😝

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Crystal Healing via Daimoku

Yesterday I went for a walk with my friend Zia. I suffered from terrible period pain and it usually starts to get worse at about the 8 hour mark. I texted Zia to ask her to go for walk anyway. For a while she didn’t answer and I thought maybe it’s for the best.

When she answered and asked me to meet at her place, I determined to get out of the house. I chanted my evening prayer and chanted to do my best and to have three life force to do my best.

When we were walking, I shared my struggles with the depression. She’s one of the sweetest people I know, one who has endured and healed and understands. So young and so wise, I feel she’s an old soul, older than me.

She mentioned using a crystal for healing at the difficult time of her life and asked me if I’d considered it. I said I had a few by my bed. She said that it’s good to pick one because too many crystals confuse your aura. Of all the ones I have, I could only remember Rose Quartz. We decided clearly that’s the one calling out to me.

She told me she used to tie her crystal up in her bun and one day she lost it, that’s the day the crystal had done it’s job for her perhaps. I carried the crystal on me all day, in touch with my skin on my body.

My period pain was 60% less. My clots were 70% less. I could sit through work all day. I had a big presentation that I could do and still not blackout. I could show care in a couple of amazingly frustrating situations today and kept my calm. I chanted an hour in the morning and 20 minutes in the evening. I didn’t get annoyed when my group meeting got cancelled. I got past a disagreement with my sister really quickly.

My prayer and determination already helped me to find a solution. I charged my crystal by chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo, placed it on the table next to the butsudan.

There’s definitely a shift. I know it’s not a coincidence because I woke up in terrible pain where I could not move. Only after I’d showered and started wearing the crystal that things started to subside.

I’m stoked and delighted!

If you have period problems, give it a try – or find a crystal that calls to you in the crystal shop. I found a whole list of crystals that help with period here.

Mystic Law at work again.

<3

Rising from the Ashes

In some sense I live the life of the mythical Phoenix. In my severe menstrual issues, I’m one person for a couple of weeks of the cycle and someone else for the rest. Then there’s the exhaustion and pain in the first half so you could say I get about ten good days in every cycle. Plus the length of each cycle could vary because the hormonal issues make it unpredictable too.

From ovulation until my period, I feel like I’m slowly sinking and then drowning. I’ve always had this. I can’t remember a time since I started having a period that this didn’t happen. Oh wait, right there was the time I was on the pill and while I suffered from wild side effects, I realised for the first time that I’m not an angry person. For that, I am grateful. At least I got to see a glimpse of an alternate me that was still me. Unfortunately, that didn’t last, the pill contributed to too many problems. It’s so strange they don’t tell you how badly it can alter your gut and actually make things so much worse when you go off it.

On Saturday I did everything right, I got enough sleep the night before, I went for a walk, I socialised, ate well. I struggled. I had trouble processing questions, stringing words together. I met with a friend – that’s brave of me- I have many a broken friendships attributed to my severe premenstrual symptoms. PMDD as it’s called.

Turns out one of the big causes is low serotonin, that’s made in the gut and regulates the gut too. The other cause is weak oxytocin receptors. Literally these mean, I’m trapped in not feeling love and joy. The thread tying these together is traumatic childhood experiences that lead to dysfunctional development of the neurobiology causing lifelong problems.

I can’t change my childhood or anything in the past. I can only make a determination in the present moment and keep renewing in each moment. And then from the phenomena of 3000 realms of a single moment of life, this starts to transform my life and reality.

This determination and redetermination is a constant struggle. Battle against how things are inside of me and developing a deep conviction for my life and the purpose of my existence.

In the Gosho study lecture I went to today, the leader said (and I paraphrase)

Karma is misunderstood. It is usually described as the description of your current reality. However, in our practice, Karma is our tendency.

When we have changed our tendency, we have changed our karma. And this manifests in a change in our reality in our life.

So simple and so profound. It is so hard to change my tendencies. It is so hard to know what’s to keep, what’s to change. It’s so hard to solve this problem using my brain, impossible when I’m underwater in the dark ocean struggling to breathe.

When I realised the difficulty, complexity and impossibility of this challenge today, I went into despair. Realising yesterday’s depression caused despair today. Realising the struggle of the last 3 weeks, caused fear of the future, of my next cycle. Sometimes I want to undergo a hysterectomy but then I worry what if I come out stuck in my depressed state not my happy state. Who knows which one is the real me.

I was deadlocked.

Then I messaged my best friend in the practice, who I know has more than an inkling of what it feels like. Her care, while traveling overseas with a small baby to see her in-laws started to shift my life. Her simple words of, yes, this is so unbelievably hard, remind me to acknowledge the depth of my struggle. Reminding myself of the depth, I realise that this is not a struggle that is forever sinking. The fact that I deadlocked and hit rock bottom today means I’ve reached the turning point.

That turning point is my determination. For me to appreciate and contribute no matter what. For me to respect my life no matter what. For now, I will do my citizenship test next week and then if I need to take time off, I will. My friend reminded me to not strategize. I have the Gohonzon, the wish granting jewel. I don’t need to give up one thing in life to get the other. That’s the bit President Ikeda said about having a lofty prayer.

This led me to chanting which further led to this determination.

The fight continues.

My determination for today

My morning prayer today gives me the wisdom, clarity and life force to look after all that I need to look after today so I can work joyfully in selfless service as a Bodhisattva of the Earth.

As I do this everyday, by March 16 2019, I have grown my wisdom, clarity and life force that I am already looked after each action I take adds to my ability to do kosen rufu and further advances kosen rufu.

Creativity fueled by determination

Yesterday morning, my friend chanted with me in alliance from Melbourne. I felt so exhausted that I was 40 minutes late to the one hour long session. Without begrudging or berating me, she chanted and I could feel her daimoku lifting me out and bringing me in front of the Gohonzon to chant. I feel deep gratitude for her support and daimoku. Her kind gesture reminded me that I could extend this same kindness to others.

First I started with looking for other members I could chant in the morning with. People were ok to chant, but I felt something was lacking. I reached out to my cousin Diya in Florida that I introduced to the practice a few years ago, who has been undergoing deep struggle and hasn’t been able to really get into chanting. With time zones offering a short common time slot, I offered her to chant with her in alliance. Meanwhile I also realised I had another person I could ask in California, my sister’s close friend – Swarn.

This morning I chanted while Swarn was on the other end of a phone call for half an hour. She probably listened to Gongyo for the first time. She was so open and embracing. Chanting with her was a real joy.

Diya couldn’t join in until much later and I missed her message. I continued to send her my daimoku and gratitude and I hope we can break through it tomorrow!

I realised that I wasn’t supporting them by asking to chant with them. They were supporting me. It was the only reason for me to get out of bed at 6.30 am! For the last few weeks, I had a prayer to be able to chant with another member everyday and now I find a creative way to accomplish this feat! Yay!!!

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Choosing what I want for my life

About six months ago, I read the Gosho and it’s study lecture – “Happiness in This World”, available freely here.

It took many times of reading it on hopeless days when I was suffering so much and in tears, not knowing how to transform my situation – alone, injured, in love with a man who didn’t have courage to be with me, living with a flatmate who wouldn’t even say hello or make eye contact with me, working in an office space having no natural light, feeling cut off from light, literally. There would be days I would go to the office and read the print of this page a few times before I could even get myself to do any work or be around people.

This morning while chanting in alliance with my friend in Melbourne brought me closer to the truth of this teaching.

Continue reading “Choosing what I want for my life”

Faith is the basis of everything

I found this in my study today:

Faith in the Mystic Law is the basis for victory. Those who continue to chant Nam-myoho-renge-kyo through all are admirable and strong without compare. When we resolutely bring forth the power of faith and practice, we can manifest the boundless power of the Buddha and the Law in our lives.

No matter what the situation, first chant. Chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo is the ultimate driving force that enables us to break through all obstacles, undefeated by any problem or suffering.

– Living the Gosho, location 403

I read Louise Hay’s ‘You Can Heal Your Life’ years ago but could never put it into practice. Affirmations are not quite my thing.

Today I had the bright idea to write them as my prayers and apply the strategy of the Lotus Sutra to change my consciousness patterns that haven’t been able to release my illness yet. For the first time, I know what to do about my knowledge of patterns. Funny how it didn’t occur to me before.

In other news, a massive victory today. This afternoon I learned that my uncle was very angry and explosive with his suffering, abusing my aunty as usual. I became very stressed and asked my friends for their daimoku. He has a lifetime of suffering and just venting it in front of who’s in front of him. I kept thinking what my prayer should be and how to change his behavior, strategizing with my brain and feeling helpless and inadequate.

All this while my friends chanted for him. A few hours later I learned that the doctor talked to him and explained the whole situation and what he had been through and how he got a new life almost. The word is, since then his panic has calmed down and he’s more reconciled with the reality of the situation.

It still amazes me how daimoku works every single time!!!!!

No matter what the situation, first chant.

As much as I know it, so hard to do. Learning to be better!!!!

Strength – constant struggle

Much too tired to write for the last couple of days. But I wanted to share this from my study today:

My life hinging on every word.

<3

Update an hour later-

I found myself at unease and unrest after doing this study. Almost as though reading this made me weak just as I read it.

An hour later I could step away from it and realise how it was devilish functions at work again. My negative voice telling me that “oh you’re never going to be strong. You are never going to win. You’re so weak, unhappy and such a failure.”

It’s amazing how Nichiren reminds us again and again how devilish functions will come in confusing forms, sometimes subtly and sometimes with force. You have to have strong life force and high life state to recognize them for what they are.

I’m glad I could see it and now I can use my faith to walk past my negativity and show it the door.

Also realised how my uncle has endured a deep struggle throughout his life. It would break most. In his case it turned to anger but I’m kind of intrigued and inspired that it didn’t apparently manifest as self deprecation. And how he could continue to love and respect many when his own life would have been so testing.

Strength doesn’t have only one form. It isn’t binary. It is not a river you cross and reach the other side. It is a constant battle with varying demons. Even if you win over some of them, you are strong. Each win is the springboard for the next. Keep adding to your strength my lovelies!

<3 again!

Guidance for a Harmonious Family

When words of gratitude well forth naturally from your heart, all your relationships will develop in a positive direction. It’s up to you, not the other person. Your own life condition determines everything.

Striving to create a harmonious family starts with our own inner transformation, our human revolution. Those around us are indeed the mirror in which our human revolution is reflected.

When we change, others change, our environment changes, and the world changes. One of the most important and fundamental arenas where this drama of human revolution takes place is our family.

And more…

Please live your lives in a cheerful, positive manner, embracing everyone around you with an open heart and broad-minded humanity.

Rather than being thankful because we are happy, being thankful itself will make us happy. Also, chanting with gratitude puts us in the rhythm with the universe, turning our lives in a positive direction

Showing how you have grown as a human being in the best way to communicate the truth of Buddhism to those around you.

– Daisaku Ikeda in The wisdom for creating happiness and peace, Indigo magazine February 2018