Last week I was traveling for work, quite wiped out and had diminished functioning. I met one of my SGI friends for dinner. It was a wonderful catch-up, always wonderful to see her. First met her in a training course in 2014 and the friendship keeps going.
Afterwards back at my hotel room, after finishing my chanting, I had an overwhelming urge to call my ex Mike from a relatively short but very emotional relationship, at least for me. Earlier this year I’d told him to never contact me again and he understood I needed the space.
As I was about to call him I prayed that only if this is right for me should he answer the phone, putting all my trust in the Gohonzon. I called him and it rang as though he was overseas, I was about to hang up and then reminded myself to persevere. Soon he answered and it was breaking up and his American accent seemed heavier than usual, I had trouble understanding what he said. I just got that he’s away and in a conference and will talk later. Surprisingly he followed up with a text that he couldn’t hear me but he will try calling me over the weekend when he has a break.
Knowing him, I figured I probably won’t hear back. It crossed my mind a couple of times as I went about my weekend, reminding myself that I’m not sitting around waiting or obsessing about it. He texted me late on Sunday night and I was already in bed and replied to him the next morning saying as much.
Continue reading “Making peace, building friendship”
Yesterday was the first day of me reminding myself to approve of myself, over and over again and silently chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. It was a wonderful day in a long time, not because of what happened but how I felt. Of course, that also meant that positve things manifested. I could get a lot of work done, cope with the intensity that my current health condition of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome cannot always keep up with. I could accept other people’s kindness with more ease and less fear. My desk moved out of dungeons into a location having a window and more natural light.
However, I couldn’t make time to come back and write my daily blog post yesterday. Today I can see how it is not as simple as picking up where I left off yesterday. It seems as though not doing what helps your inner journey is different from pausing on a walking trail and resuming again later; It is more like taking out the garbage. If you don’t take rubbish out on a day, perhaps it starts smelling, rotting then fermenting before leading to coackroaches… you get the drift.
Still I am determined and I approve of myself. If I hadn’t missing doing this yesterday, I would not have learned why it is important for me. The next Friday evening I would perhaps prioritise over seeing my friends or try harder to fit both in!
Not writing also leaves my stories untold and I’ve learned over the years that I miss how joyful words are for me.
Which brings me to my story for the (yester)day, a key challenge in the last few weeks and months has been ‘letting go’.
Continue reading “Housekeeping and Letting Go”