Making peace, building friendship

Last week I was traveling for work, quite wiped out and had diminished functioning. I met one of my SGI friends for dinner. It was a wonderful catch-up, always wonderful to see her. First met her in a training course in 2014 and the friendship keeps going.

Afterwards back at my hotel room, after finishing my chanting, I had an overwhelming urge to call my ex Mike from a relatively short but very emotional relationship, at least for me. Earlier this year I’d told him to never contact me again and he understood I needed the space.

As I was about to call him I prayed that only if this is right for me should he answer the phone, putting all my trust in the Gohonzon. I called him and it rang as though he was overseas, I was about to hang up and then reminded myself to persevere. Soon he answered and it was breaking up and his American accent seemed heavier than usual, I had trouble understanding what he said. I just got that he’s away and in a conference and will talk later. Surprisingly he followed up with a text that he couldn’t hear me but he will try calling me over the weekend when he has a break.

Knowing him, I figured I probably won’t hear back. It crossed my mind a couple of times as I went about my weekend, reminding myself that I’m not sitting around waiting or obsessing about it. He texted me late on Sunday night and I was already in bed and replied to him the next morning saying as much.

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Housekeeping and Letting Go

Yesterday was the first day of me reminding myself to approve of myself, over and over again and silently chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. It was a wonderful day in a long time, not because of what happened but how I felt. Of course, that also meant that positve things manifested. I could get a lot of work done, cope with the intensity that my current health condition of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome cannot always keep up with. I could accept other people’s kindness with more ease and less fear. My desk moved out of dungeons into a location having a window and more natural light.

However, I couldn’t make time to come back and write my daily blog post yesterday. Today I can see how it is not as simple as picking up where I left off yesterday. It seems as though not doing what helps your inner journey is different from pausing on a walking trail and resuming again later; It is more like taking out the garbage. If you don’t take rubbish out on a day, perhaps it starts smelling, rotting then fermenting before leading to coackroaches… you get the drift.

Still I am determined and I approve of myself. If I hadn’t missing doing this yesterday, I would not have learned why it is important for me. The next Friday evening I would perhaps prioritise over seeing my friends or try harder to fit both in!

Not writing also leaves my stories untold and I’ve learned over the years that I miss how joyful words are for me.

Which brings me to my story for the (yester)day, a key challenge in the last few weeks and months has been ‘letting go’.

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