Nine Realisations of my Power

Today has been a day of many realisations that for now would have to be in a bulleted list because I want to get to sleep, yet not lose this sweet victorious moment.

  1. What’s happening in my life doesn’t matter as long as I am happy within. What brings that happiness within me is connection with myself and others. What brings that connection in my life is kosen rufu – the whole package – chanting, faith, study, engaging with others and striving to go to meetings/host meetings. Ultimately I could be like the happy 50 year old single ultrasound technician who has a cat and lives in a two bedroom apartment in a suburb alone – it really does not matter what is on the outside. I can strive to create happiness in whichever way, whatever takes me and motivates me to sit in front of the Gohonzon and chant.
  2. My realisations will evolve as I grow and the decisions I take will change. This is ok. It’s the journey of my growth and human revolution.
  3. True friendship is my greatest benefit in faith, including learning to befriend myself. Continue reading “Nine Realisations of my Power”

Starting the drama of my human revolution

Today I started writing my own “New Human Revolution” inspired by my mentor Dr Daisaku Ikeda’s writing.

This morning when I couldn’t get out of bed due to continued lack of sleep and exhaustion, lying in bed, I pondered on why I do this to myself… why I couldn’t treat myself better, why I couldn’t get my daily cooking finished in time to sleep in a timely fashion, why I overate so late the night before, why I had no control over myself, why I am still alone and still so bad at it.

I decided to allow myself to slow down and work from home in the morning. I started reading my conversation with Jai from June’18. I needed to be reminded of what I tend to do when I am shrouded by negativity, how it manifests itself and his advice on what do do about it, how this cycle of negativity continually feeds into my life and keeps me stuck in a vicious circle.

Jai was the love of my life who first made me aware at a visceral level that I am lovable. At 27 years old, I had never felt it before in a way that connected me to myself. It was an addictive feeling and I became more and more dependent on it. I had no idea then whether I could have that within me, not having someone else to keep facilitating my connection with myself. I probably still don’t have that answer but I am several thousand steps further along on that journey.

Continue reading “Starting the drama of my human revolution”