Answers in Metaphysical Realm

I spent all weekend studying numerology books. It was like binge eating, stimulation addiction. I didn’t sleep, cook, just studied numerology.

It threw my system out of whack, as all such binges do. I couldn’t go to my Buddhist meeting on Sunday morning because I was so sleep deprived. I did somehow cook lunch for Monday but worked from home.

Today I was so exhausted that I needed to take a sick day. Clearly didn’t do so well in looking after my delicate self.

Some good things came out of the binge though:

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What’s your word?

When I went to see my kinesiologist on 8 Dec 2018, she told me that I needed to let Mike go. Having him in my mind and life and holding onto him was holding me back. She said to me, “Prove to me your Buddhist practice and chanting works. Use your practice and let him go.”

I set about on that journey, taking action and focusing on my life and chanting to be able to let him go and show actual proof of my practice in my life. I pushed him away from my mind, my focus was on never calling him again, never reaching out, learning to live without the possibility of him ever existing in it. You know, it is a helpful lesson but is almost the inside out way of doing things.

As they describe it in Nichiren Buddhism, karma is thoughts, words and actions. I started by changing my actions and trying to reverse engineer my thoughts and words and keep rechecking my actions. Asking people how they behaved in such situations and trying to emulate it. I needed to fast track my letting go so I could prove that my practice works. The last time it took me 7 years and the guy marrying someone else, definitely not my top life skill, clearly!

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Housekeeping and Letting Go

Yesterday was the first day of me reminding myself to approve of myself, over and over again and silently chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. It was a wonderful day in a long time, not because of what happened but how I felt. Of course, that also meant that positve things manifested. I could get a lot of work done, cope with the intensity that my current health condition of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome cannot always keep up with. I could accept other people’s kindness with more ease and less fear. My desk moved out of dungeons into a location having a window and more natural light.

However, I couldn’t make time to come back and write my daily blog post yesterday. Today I can see how it is not as simple as picking up where I left off yesterday. It seems as though not doing what helps your inner journey is different from pausing on a walking trail and resuming again later; It is more like taking out the garbage. If you don’t take rubbish out on a day, perhaps it starts smelling, rotting then fermenting before leading to coackroaches… you get the drift.

Still I am determined and I approve of myself. If I hadn’t missing doing this yesterday, I would not have learned why it is important for me. The next Friday evening I would perhaps prioritise over seeing my friends or try harder to fit both in!

Not writing also leaves my stories untold and I’ve learned over the years that I miss how joyful words are for me.

Which brings me to my story for the (yester)day, a key challenge in the last few weeks and months has been ‘letting go’.

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