Making Life Happen

This morning while chanting I was again reminded of my cowardice and that my life is my hands and I gotta make it happen.

In my cowardice, I was hiding behind my inability to confront what I needed to do in the situation and take action. Instead of aiming to schedule the interview for my dream job, I was already planning for my failure and plan B and planning to spend time doing assignments and interviews for jobs I did not find interesting.

I realised I gotta put them off and give my all to this dream job interview. Here. And. Now.

After much deliberation and turning things around in my brain I now have an idea of when I want to schedule it. I started to rehash it. In this process as I was reading the New Human Revolution volume 6, I came across this quote from Sensei:

A leader has no time for speculation; she must be firmly resolved to win over all obstacles and negative forces without the slightest shadow of doubt.

-Daisaku Ikeda NHR vol 6 p210

Question is, am I going to be the leader of my own life or not?

I firmly resolve to be so.

Supporting family from afar

Today was a testing day. My beloved uncle is in the hospital in India. He underwent a triple bypass open heart surgery last night after having a massive cardiac event.

This day has shown me how the practice works for me. Earlier with losing my friends and classmates, I’ve been distraught and out of whack and crying for weeks.

Today I woke up at 5.30 am and saw my sister’s message asking me to chant for my uncle with a brief about what happened. First of all it’s so mystic how I even woke up that early. On Wednesday night I was dead to the world at 8.30 pm, it is not a frequent occurrence. It’s almost as though everything was setup so I could send daimoku to my uncle while he was in surgery.

I saw the message and kind of jolted awake. Took me thirty minutes to open my eyes enough to start chanting. By the time I went to work I had calmly chanted 40 minutes and I chanted another 20 minutes on the train. Usually I don’t chant on the train, it’s mostly study time but today I couldn’t keep myself from chanting. I also asked my friends for support to chant for my uncle, I’m truly blessed to have such a close network to lean on for support. Thereafter it was a usual day at work.

During lunch time I called home, my brother in law said my uncle was still in surgery. It was early morning there. It suddenly sank in that open heart surgery is long, no wonder it was still going. My heart sank a bit. I hung up and sat by the wharf to chant more daimoku quietly.

It was revealing in the sense of where I still harbored doubts about whether my daimoku was helpful. Today helped me investigate and close the holes in my conviction. Thanks to my uncle.

His surgery went well and he is in intensive Care on ventilator. The next 48-72 hours are crucial. I’m going to continue to chant for his absolute protection and full recovery for me to really see the power of this practice so I can use my practice to show great proof in my life and my health too.

Later in the evening I spent 2-3 hours talking to my friends in faith, not lamenting about my life and problems but encouraging them and being fully present and listening to them. Usually I would be a wreck and think that my problem is the biggest and how can someone talk about their “mundane” problems when my uncle is battling life and death.

My calmness and determination today showed me the actual proof of my practice.

As it says in the Gosho lecture on “On Attaining Buddhahood in this Lifetime”,

Practicing Nichiren Buddhism means not being swayed this way and that way; it means constructing a self that is solid and resolute like towering Mount Fuji. 

Also:

Our daily realities are filled with an endless succession of problems. But with the firm belief that our lives are Myoho-renge-kyo, we should strive to boldly challenge everything with the unwavering conviction that we can overcome all hardships and become happy without fail. When we maintain deep faith based on the foundation that “I am Myoho-renge-kyo,” we can take on any problem with courage. The key to victory in life lies in whether we can bring forth courage. Not a shrinking timidity but a challenging courage— this is what we need to have!

And also:

Nichiren Buddhism starts from the realization that the supreme lifecondition of Buddhahood exists in each of us. It is a teaching that makes it possible for us to achieve the profoundest inner transformation—a transformation of our fundamental attitude or mindset. That’s why Nichiren emphasizes the importance of our minds, of what’s in our hearts.

My determination for kosen rufu and my conviction in the power of mystic law enabled me to win over my weakness today.

And tomorrow, I redetermine and restart all over again. Chant for my uncle. Rinse and repeat.

Struggle with Food Addiction – Part 1

I say part 1 on this post because I imagine it won’t be the last, who knows, maybe it will be a three part series like the Millennium Trilogy or a seven part series like Harry Potter. Clearly I love books 🙂

Nothing like a poor joke to make light of a serious subject. As I read in some of President Ikeda’s writing earlier this week:

In the midst of a genuinely desperate situation, he (President Toda) retained his sense of humour

– Indigo Magazine Jan 2018, page 30

Earlier this week when I really struggled to be able to manage my crazy rotation diet and sleep and work, I prayed with the determination that I must be able to do Gongyo, chant at least ten minutes, write here, have my food figured out and be able to get some sleep. For the last 3 weeks, sleeping at 2 am has really taken its toll on me.

Last night, I was ready to sleep at 9.30 pm. I still hadn’t written my blog or cooked lunch for today. I dragged my ass off the couch and somehow cooked and wrote. By the time I finished and got to sleep, it was 2 am again.

Oh wait I missed a step, after dragging myself off the couch, I ate. I ate even though I wasn’t hungry and had already eaten. It was a reward and emotional fuel to be able to do what needed to be done. I couldn’t do it without the emotional support food provided me.

Continue reading “Struggle with Food Addiction – Part 1”