Today I decided to share my experience speech with a work colleague and also my brother-in-law. Brave attempts to connect others to my own journey through the practice.
I think I’ll stop for now, though. I feel a bit intensely burnt out. My brother-in-law was very kind in his response. He said he had many questions and would prefer to discuss but perhaps it was better to let it be. Initially I said I was open to discussing it but then in an hour I started to have anxiety about this far away discussion. I was triggered. So I let him know I can’t. He said, that is why he said to let it be.
I am great with courage, need to learn a bit more about self-preservation too. Haha.
Now that I think about it, I did have courage to say no soon enough. Next time, I have to be better at standing up for my constraints and not let my mind do a number on me by making me do something it thinks I “should” be able to do.
Always a tough lesson to learn, isn’t it?
As I was reading this post on the difference between rescuing and supporting this morning, I began to reflect on my journey to learning this valuable distinction.
When I first I got exposed to this concept, I took it to an extreme interpretation. I took it to mean that I must look after myself before I do anything for others. Or by helping them in a way they haven’t asked for, I’m rescuing them and taking away their opportunity to grow while spreading myself too thin.
Through my Buddhist practice embedded with life challenges over the last few years, I’ve learnt that this learning is a lifelong journey of the eternal truth of life. It is about how I always learn to find the “Middle Way”.
Continue reading “Rescuing vs Supporting”
This morning I had a meeting with people in a different time zone so we had to start at 9 am. My team lead and I were going to join this meeting. I again couldn’t get to bed until 1 am yesterday. I tried to wake up early and got out of bed early enough but felt really unwell. I struggled to let myself look after my health. I’ve realised I put a lot of pressure on myself regarding what I should be able to do to be “good enough”. Notice how doing relates to being good enough, although there’s no “doing” in “being” good enough.
My achievement-driven upbringing and the society we live in has left my inner self confused in that it mistakes value for dignity.
Continue reading “What is dignity?”