Aligning to my mission

After yesterday’s friendship and joy, I found myself better able to connect to my purpose today. It was much easier to chant for an hour this morning. I invited one of my Buddhist group members to chant at the same time from her home. I thought of it as a chore for her because she must have been living a good enjoyable life with her husband.

However, things aren’t as always they seem to be. Even when I think I’m struggling and nobody else is in a soup like me, someone is still struggling in their own way.

When we finished chanting she said that she hadn’t chanted like this for a while and thanked me for inviting her. She said that she needed to redetermine and strengthen her resolve to align with her vow for kosen-rufu.

I was amazed how my new prayers based on President Ikeda’s guidance and persevering in creating causes led to this moment.

This fuelled me to talk to my state leader and reach out to many other young women. I want to strive to create so many causes and accumulate so much good fortune that when PMS and it’s accompanying deep depression and fatigue come around, my good fortune is enough to carry me over, that somehow my life force is so strong that I don’t suffer and am able to keep continuing the cycle of contributing to society and kosen-rufu.

I’m grateful for this challenge that leads me to strive. Thanks to my friend in Melbourne for giving me so much encouragement to focus on my determination.

My most favorite thing from that conversation was – everything I do is ok. If today I can only text one person and chant for five minutes, that’s ok. If I can do more, that’s ok too. As long as I’m somehow doing my best, whatever that turns out to be is enough and ok and will lead me to accumulate limitless good fortune.

This took so much anxiety away. Further that I can only focus on my causes. And if I text someone and they don’t respond, I don’t need to fixate on that, I can go ahead and connect to others who while continuing to chant for those who are not able to step forward yet.

So much to do and strive for. Exciting times!

Starting the drama of my human revolution

Today I started writing my own “New Human Revolution” inspired by my mentor Dr Daisaku Ikeda’s writing.

This morning when I couldn’t get out of bed due to continued lack of sleep and exhaustion, lying in bed, I pondered on why I do this to myself… why I couldn’t treat myself better, why I couldn’t get my daily cooking finished in time to sleep in a timely fashion, why I overate so late the night before, why I had no control over myself, why I am still alone and still so bad at it.

I decided to allow myself to slow down and work from home in the morning. I started reading my conversation with Jai from June’18. I needed to be reminded of what I tend to do when I am shrouded by negativity, how it manifests itself and his advice on what do do about it, how this cycle of negativity continually feeds into my life and keeps me stuck in a vicious circle.

Jai was the love of my life who first made me aware at a visceral level that I am lovable. At 27 years old, I had never felt it before in a way that connected me to myself. It was an addictive feeling and I became more and more dependent on it. I had no idea then whether I could have that within me, not having someone else to keep facilitating my connection with myself. I probably still don’t have that answer but I am several thousand steps further along on that journey.

Continue reading “Starting the drama of my human revolution”